Telling secrets

“It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about.” – Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets

Five years ago today, I sat down and told my parents my greatest secret. Coming out to them remains the most difficult conversation I have ever had in my life, and I can still remember the raw emotions all of us felt in that moment. I would be lying if I said it was easy and we were all golden immediately. The days and weeks and months that followed were the most challenging any of us have ever experienced.

Yet here we are, five years later. I could not have more supportive parents. They have shown what unconditional love looks like. They have been the absolute model for every parent of an LGBT child. They read and studied. They had difficult conversations. And they sought to not only understand but also accept.

I am closer to my parents now than I have ever been in my life because I took the risk to tell them my secret. Not every member of the LGBT community is as lucky as I am. Recently, my parents were told about a girl whose parents did not respond as lovingly as they did when I came out. My dad had this to say:

“The reality is that it’s hard being the parent and facing the ‘choice of change.’ No one likes it – especially at 50 years old. By then, society expects you to have it all figured out. Certainly your given social-circle expects you to stay the same and not to ever question your traditions, dogma, and dialogue. For us though, there was never a choice. We just knew there were things we didn’t know…We simply knew right at that moment that we were dramatically wrong. We were scared, surprised, lost, and insecure – certainly not where we thought we would be at that point in life. But we knew, without a shadow of doubt, that our child was designed to be exactly who he said he was…Our love and respect for him inspired us to learn, to risk, to challenge, to yearn, to rebuild, to embrace, to re-dream, to change, to grow, to hope, and then to accept and to love like never before. God is good and bigger than ever before. The adventure continues – and we are glad.”

My prayer, more than five years into this crazy new world of living into truth, is that other parents may come to the wisdom my parents have shown. I know my situation is one many LGBT people don’t have the opportunity to experience. I am immeasurably blessed.